Anthomation Assesses The Top 5 Repressed Childhood “Classics”

Howdy guys, Anthomaton here. Today I shall review the top 5 animated films that we all watched as little kids, have forgotten about, but then look back upon in utter dismay at how we once enjoyed it. The rules are that they have to have been released in the 2000’s decade, just so we can keep it semi-nostalgic and because that is when people my age were considered children. Here we go.

5. Barnyard (2006)

Like the other animals in the barn, Otis the bull (Kevin James) likes to sing and play while the farmer is away. However, the carefree bovine must soon find the courage to be a leader when, unexpectedly, he finds himself in a position of great responsibility. The film was produced by Nickelodeon as the feature length animated film not based on an existing Nickelodeon property. This also came out around where other studios besides Pixar were starting to get into the CGI-playing, and boy does it show for this film. The animation is absolute garbage with its awkward character movements and even more awkward character designs. But the most baffling part is the story. It can have heartfelt moments, but it resorts to cheap plot about literary party animals, making the characters not the enjoyable in the process.

Score:

3.5/10

4. Shark Tale (2004)

Underachiever Oscar (Will Smith) is a pint-sized fish with grand aspirations. When mob-connected great white shark Frankie (Michael Imperioli) is accidentally killed, Oscar concocts a story with Frankie’s peace-loving brother Lenny (Jack Black) that it was he who murdered the shark. Suddenly hailed “Sharkslayer” by his aquatic brethren, Oscar has bigger fish to fry when Frankie’s father, mob boss Don Lino (Robert De Niro), dispatches his henchmen to track down his son’s killer. What if I told you that this film was not only released by DreamWorks, but released by the studio the SAME year as Shrek 2? You would probably flip out. From the generic story/characters to the ugly animation, this movie is more of a direct to video ripoff of Finding Nemo (2003) than a DreamWorks film.

Score:

3.5/10

3. Open Season (2006)

Boog (Martin Lawrence), a 900-pound grizzly bear, is content entertaining tourists and living in park ranger Beth’s (Debra Messing) barn. His life takes a drastic turn when he rescues a one-horned mule deer named Elliot (Ashton Kutcher) from a hunter (Gary Sinise), and is subsequently tranquilized and returned to the wild. Elliot and Boog recruit the other animals, notably a Scottish squirrel (Billy Connolly) and a beaver foreman, to help turn the tables on the hunters to make the woods safe. This was the first film produced by Sony Animation and by God was this not a good start. The story is predictable, the characters are cliched, and the animation is very lackluster. Not much else to say. It just sucks holey.

Score:

3/10

2. Chicken Little (2005)

Young Chicken Little (Zach Braff) throws his small town into panic by claiming the sky is falling. Unable to find the piece of “sky” that hit him, he earns the town’s scorn. A year later, outcast Little tries to redeem himself by joining the baseball team, helping to win a crucial game. Later that night he is hit on the head again and discovers that the “falling sky” is actually from a UFO. Now, Little must convince the skeptical town that an alien invasion is about to happen. Remember how I said earlier that other studios were following Pixar’s lead in the CGI craze? Well, this was Disney’s starting place at the new medium. From the story that relates in no way to the source material to rotten characters to poorly rendered animation, this is a downright mean and even nasty little trainwreck that is worth avoiding, EVEN for Disney fans.

Score:

3/10

1.Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (2001)

“Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius” tells the simple story of a 10-year-old boy and his robot dog – battling evil, rescuing his parents, saving the Earth – and returning home in time for dinner. Jimmy’s always inventing gadgets to make his life in Retroville more interesting. A boy genius with real kid emotions, Jimmy sometimes fantasizes about life on his own. But when the parents of Jimmy’s hometown are kidnapped by invading aliens, he quickly discovers that things aren’t so great when they’re gone. I have already discussed how this movie had no business being nominated for Best Animated Feature in 2001, especially since Waking Life came out the same year, but mere competence is also unachievable for this festering hole of who-hash. The animation is awful, the story is every boring space plot, and the characters are unlikable and one-dimensional. This film might have a fan-base, but I will NOT be recommending any newcomers.

Score:

2.5/10