Anthony Saccente is a senior at Wilsonville High School and he serves as the Sports Broadcast Manager for WBN and the Paw Print. He has announced JV and...
Anthomation assesses Minions
June 10, 2021
Howdy guys, Anthomaton here. Today I shall review the exact reason why Illumination is hated by a lot of people: Minions.
Minions is a 2015 animated film produced by the aforementioned Illumination Entertainment. It is the spin-off prequel and the third installment overall in the Despicable Me franchise. The film received mixed reviews from critics and grossed over $1.1 billion worldwide. At the time of release, the film became the 10th highest-grossing film of all time and the second highest-grossing animated film. The film is also the fifth-highest-grossing film of 2015 and the highest-grossing non-Disney animated film. The sequel, Minions: The Rise of Gru, is scheduled to be released in July 2022. Oh goody.
Evolving from single-celled yellow organisms at the dawn of time, Minions live to serve, but find themselves working for a continual series of unsuccessful masters, from T. Rex to Napoleon. Without a master to grovel for, the Minions fall into a deep depression. But one minion, Kevin, has a plan; accompanied by his pals Stuart and Bob, Kevin sets forth to find a new evil boss for his brethren to follow. Their search leads them to Scarlet Overkill, the world’s first-ever super-villainess.
The story is as stupid as you would expect from a movie starring walking and gibbering bananas. First of all, the movie fails to appreciate the lore that goes behind the Despicable Me franchise, the little that there is. In the first Despicable Me, there was a poster on the back wall of Gru’s laboratory that showed a Minion being created through MAN MADE CONSTRUCTION. And this movie has the audacity to make us believe that Minions descended from SINGLE CELL ORGANISMS many years ago. Blow me. Also, did I mention that the plot was stupid. Well apparently, the Minions are looking for a master throughout the film. And that’s about it. I have seen middle school plays with more complex stories. But don’t worry, there’s plenty of humor supplied for the little ones. That is, if the film actually knew what humor is. Every joke is either butt-related, or involves an annoying gag that more than overstays its welcome. Except it was not even welcomed in the FIRST place, so it fails on multiple ends.
The animation quality matches every generic modern animated film out there. It is bright, cutesy, and bathed in over-the-top character movements. Gee, I wonder if they made it for kids? Nothing to worry about, no innovation or originally here. And it’s movies like this that get me especially angry because they only uphold the notion that animation is just “kids stuff” without supplying anything of substance in return. It is not painful to look at, it is just so cookie-cutter in its visual appeal.
The characters are as annoying and idiotic as can be. I know the Minions have names in this (Kevin, Stuart, and Bob), but they do not have distinctive enough character traits to tell them apart. They are all obnoxious, unfunny, love to glorify their rear ends, and enjoy ruining timeless points in our world’s history. Oh and they are all voiced by the director of the film (Pierre Coffin). There is Scarlet Overkill (voiced by Sandra Bullock), who is the villain of the flick. There’s Herb Overkill (voiced by Jon Hamm), who is Scarlet’s boyfriend. And Captain Barbossa himself (Geoffrey Rush) was dragged in to narrate this stinker. All of the human characters add nothing worth remembering and are as forgettable as what I had for breakfast last Thursday.
This film is the epitome of modern day crap in the animation industry. The story is unimaginative, the animation is bland, and characters are infuriating. It is films like this that need to stop being made while ideas for artistically unique flicks keep getting passed over by the minute. This is a film made for really really little kids. But when the only type of animated film being made on a consistent basis is this, it makes me sick to my stomach.